Why They Call This Dating Coach the "Catfish Coach"

Welcome to the very first episode of Share the Pants!

When dating coach Nicole Powers started swiping and chatting on dating apps for her clients, the internet gave her an unexpected nickname: "The Catfish Coach."

In this episode, Nicole and her husband, Joel, explain what she actually does and how a simple idea turned into one of the most unique dating coaching businesses online.

But this episode is about more than dating apps.

You'll also hear:

• Why Joel inspired Nicole to become a dating coach
• How their relationship changed the direction of her business
• Why Joel has become Nicole's secret weapon when evaluating men and dating situations
• What makes their perspectives on love, dating, and healthy relationships so different and why that combination is the foundation of this podcast

Whether you're single, dating, happily partnered, or just fascinated by relationships, this episode will introduce you to the kind of conversations you can expect every week on Share the Pants.

In this episode:

• Why Nicole gets called the “Catfish Coach”
• What she actually does when she swipes and chats for clients
• How Joel feels about Nicole swiping for clients
• Why Joel became Nicole’s secret weapon
• What listeners can expect from Share the Pants

Have a dating or relationship question you'd like us to answer on a future episode? 

Want more dating advice between episodes?
Follow Nicole on social media
Facebook & Instagram: @iamnicolepowers
TikTok: @datingpowers 

Transcript

Joel 0:04

Welcome to our first ever episode of Share the Pants. I'm Joel.

Nicole 0:08

And I'm Nicole. And I am so freaking excited that we are doing this because when I came up with this bright idea to start a podcast, I really wanted to do it with Joel, but I was pretty sure he was going to be like, nah, I'm not into that. And you said yes. Like I was so surprised.

Joel 0:26

Yeah. I mean, I like podcasts. I think I like the format. Um, it feels more like more like a conversation than just like, this is my opinion, and if you don't like it, you know. I feel like that's what social media posts come across. That's why I don't do them. That's why I keep my opinions to myself. This feels more like, you know, I can be myself and we're just we're just talking. And I'm still highly opinionated, which is partially why I don't post on social media. Because a lot of times I realize I'm wrong.

Nicole 0:55

And the wisdom of I can be wrong. Yeah. So yeah. Well, I'm glad because I didn't want to be just like talking to myself, which is what a lot of people had actually encouraged me to do a podcast. I am a dating coach, and I not only teach people how to use the apps more efficiently and effectively, but I also, because I've heard so many people tell me how much they hate the apps, and I never did. Um, I started swiping and chatting for people. And I've become kind of known as the catfish coach because I pretend to be my clients and I set them up on dates. And that's not something that happened until after Joel and I started dating. Um, when I start when we started dating, I was actually just a life coach. I was just helping people. I actually didn't really even know how to talk about, even on our first date. Like I struggled to tell you what I actually did for a living. Um, because I was helping people with all kinds of things, like healing from religious trauma, developing a strong relationship with the higher power of their choosing. I was helping people learn how to set boundaries and use their voice and heal from tri childhood trauma. I was, I was doing any and everything. Like if you had a problem, come hang out with me and I'm gonna help you solve it. And Joel actually inspired me to become a dating coach because I always I think love's always been at the center of my business, but my love life was like pretty terrible. And it was never because of the apps, it was always because the the relationship part of dating, like getting, you know, the app was easy, but then actually dating and building a relationship with someone, that's where I found a lot of pain. Yeah. And uh so when I met Joel and things were so easy between us and so natural, um, at some point, I don't really even know when.

Joel 2:55

Well, I remember uh like early on, before we were actually like officially a couple, you know, I was pretty skeptical about what you were doing, and you know, I just didn't know anything about it. And so I watched one of her Facebook lives, and and I was like, you know, well, this is just about love, which I can totally get behind. It's so it's all positive and it's all love. So what am I worried about? I believe in all that stuff.

Nicole 3:20

Yeah.

Joel 3:20

So totally behind it.

Nicole 3:23

I was really like, I couldn't first of all, I couldn't believe you watched an entire Facebook Live of mine. Like, what? Who does that? First of all. And second of all, you know, the fact that no matter what the topic uh was I was talking about, do you even remember? Like, yeah, whatever the topic happened to be, like the fact that you pulled out, you know, you said to me, like, when I watched you, all I all I heard was you talking about love and positivity. And if there were two things that you could have reflected back about who I am and what I do, like that's it, you know? And you e even you saying that to me was like, yeah, like, yeah, that is what I do. And now here we are, like three years later, making a podcast about all things love. That's right. How cool is that? That's very cool. We are gonna be sharing stories from our own relationship and how we share the pants. We'll be answering listener questions, reacting to our favorite moments from uh reality romance shows that I have sucked Joel into.

Joel 4:25

That's right.

Nicole 4:26

And we're gonna just have these open, honest conversations about what we believe it takes to build a healthy, happy partnership.

Joel 4:34

Absolutely. But before we get into all that, I want to circle back to something you said earlier in the show about that you're the catfish, uh, what'd you call yourself the catfish coach? Yeah. That's so far from the truth. You get to know your clients like, you know, so well before you get to know their preferences, what they want, what they don't want, how they would speak. Yeah, you know, and everything gets ran by if if if they want it ran by them, you know, you will at least the texting part, not necessarily the swiping part.

Nicole 5:03

But but we swipe together. Like before I ever swipe for them, they we s I swipe with them to see like what they would swipe on, what they wouldn't swipe on. Yeah, a lot of work does go into me performing as them, but I And those chats don't go very far.

Joel 5:19

You know, the whole point is to get on a date.

Nicole 5:22

Yeah.

Joel 5:22

And then there's no catfishing involved in that. So, like, you know, the real person is gonna show up on the date.

Nicole 5:28

You're you know, yeah, I'm not having romantic, wild conversations with these people. I'm, you know, doing a little light flirting.

Joel 5:37

Right.

Nicole 5:37

Because you gotta have a personality, but I'm doing it on behalf of them. Yeah, I the reason I call myself a catfish coach is because I had to own that because people were when I first launched, I'm gonna do done for you dating, like I'd been doing dating coaching for a little bit. And then I was like, every time I get on a phone call with somebody who kind of wants to be my client, we're talking about if that would be a good idea. They're like, I hate the apps, I don't want to use the apps. I'm like, finally, I was just like, just let me do it for you. You know, that's really where it came from. And I thought it was brilliant. I was like, oh my God, this is gonna be, people are gonna go crazy for this. And then people started like hating, like the people were like, ooh, I can't believe you do that. That's so inauthentic. Like, that's catfishing. Yeah. And so I was just like, I was actually really heartbroken, like, what? Like, why don't people get this? Yeah.

Joel 6:26

And then the people that do get it do get it. Yeah, you know, there's always gonna be that vocal. That's the thing about the internet.

Nicole 6:31

I know.

Joel 6:31

You gotta try to tune that stuff out.

Nicole 6:34

Yeah, easier said than we're getting on, oh, I know.

Joel 6:36

That's that's a fact.

Nicole 6:37

I'm a feeler, Joel knows. Like I'm a wild feeler. I have to feel my feelings, and then I get over it. But part of that journey was like, if I if I own the title catfish coach, then and I address it head on, that feels better than people saying to me, You're catfishing. Right, you know. So while I don't agree with it, I did feel like I needed to like take it back, you know, like that's my title. You can't call me that. I am all call me that.

Joel 7:03

Yeah. Understood.

Nicole 7:06

So, but Joel, what does it feel like? Because, you know, people probably want to know, like, what does it feel like to be married to somebody who pretends to be single on a dating app? You know, you you have walked in the door literally from work, and I will be swiping on random dudes.

Joel 7:22

That's right. Yeah, it's a little weird. I mean, you know, I've gotten used to it now, like, you know, maybe in the beginning it was weird. I feel like the one the weirdest time it ever did ever happen was at a concert. Yeah, we and yeah, I went to the bathroom and came back, and it was in between uh music, and uh I came back and she's swiping and I and uh it didn't even really bother me. I just thought it was funny. I you know, I was thinking that this is hilarious, like you know, we're together, I've got my arm. We're on a date or whatever, yeah. We're on a date, and she's swiping. It's you know, to to the people behind us, it could I was just you know kind of joking that it seemed like we're looking for our third, or you know, like you know, swingers, whatever whatever, which is fine if that's what you do.

Nicole 8:01

But uh And I have not done that since because even though, like, you know, you would never tell me not to, like, I did pick up the vibe that, like, hey babe, but I was in the bathroom, you know, on a date, maybe let's not you were working, you know, it's not like you're doing it the whole time we're at the show. It's just you know No, I was just bored, and instead of opening Facebook to Doom Scroll, I was doing my job.

Joel 8:22

Right. Exactly.

Nicole 8:24

But I have learned we don't do that on dates. Like, even if he goes to the bathroom, just Doom Scroll.

Joel 8:30

Well, you're allowed. I'm not, you know, I didn't mean for you to never have to do it. But I just thought it was funny.

Nicole 8:35

You know, I I didn't really think that through, and it was a little bit like, okay, that's not cool. Um, which is, I think, you know, uh our title of the podcast is Share the Pants. And this is how we share the pants. Like we are very open with each other when something like we we just we don't even like really talk about what bothers us, but like we're just very open people. So we just say what's on our minds, and we can read each other really well. So, you know, even though that wasn't like a sit-down conversation of like, hey, can we do this different? It was just like a you made a comment and I picked up a vibe and I was like, okay, I'm not gonna do that anymore. And that that's how it should go. Like, that's how relationships evolve and how you stay happy, like how you realize, okay, my partner may not love that. He's willing to tolerate walking home or walking home, walking in from work to see that, but maybe on a date, lock it up.

Joel 9:32

Maybe not. Yeah, now I, you know, don't even think twice about it because in fact, I'm more interested, you know, I'm kind of peeking over like who are these, who are these idiots? This is coming from someone, first of all, who did not have a good profile on my dating app.

Nicole 9:48

So you know terrible pictures, totally dude pictures, like this man can't take a selfie, which is actually, you know, I I don't know which would be better, like a guy who knows how to take a really great selfie or somebody who doesn't, you know. Probably I'm gonna be more attracted to the guy who's not really into taking selfies. Um, but yeah, your profile was not great. You did get a mercy swipe from me because the profile didn't have much information on it written and the pro the picks were just there was the picks were lackluster. You needed me. You needed me.

Joel 10:23

Yeah.

Nicole 10:24

But yeah, I think it is really, you know, it's also really I just really learned to give you your flowers because for those of you who don't know, oh, but probably nobody knows, really. I don't think I've ever publicly talked about this, but you're actually like my secret weapon. Not only did you inspire me to pick a direction in my coaching, like before we met, you know, it was just doing general life coaching. And then at some point I was like, our relationship is so good. And what I really desire more than anything else is for other people to have what we have. Not exactly. Obviously, I don't want to make many me's, but I want people to feel safe and secure and loved and adored and appreciated and like they can really just be themselves in their relationships. And if I could only talk about one thing for the rest of my life, it would be that. And that's a common, you know, it's a marketing thing. Like lots of marketing coaches will be like, you know, if you could only type talk about one thing forever, what would you want to talk about? And it is love. It is like, I want people to be well loved. And I think your primary romantic relationship is the place where that's the most important. I'm really fucking passionate about it. And so, but you inspired that, you know, and on a day-to-day basis, I am running things by Joel. Like, if a guy is, if I'm on the fence of like, is this behavior okay or is it weird? And I'm trying to decode somebody, I'll just, you know, I keep my pri my obviously my clients have confidentiality. I don't share their names or their stories with Joel, but I will share like the random dudes that I'm like, what is this? I'll take it to Joel. And he has a douchebag detector that is on fire. Like, he knows, like, nope, stay away from that one. Yeah, that's probably okay. You know, yep.

Joel 12:09

Yeah, that's yeah, I do. I do. I didn't know the full power of it until we started watching reality dating shows that you sucked me into. Yep. But yeah, now I can pretty much call him out every time.

Nicole 12:19

Yeah.

Joel 12:19

Even when I doubt I doubted myself, and then I'm like, damn it, why didn't I just stick to my guns? I knew that guy was a douchebag.

Nicole 12:25

That has happened like one time that you doubted yourself, and it was because he was well behaved for long enough.

Joel 12:30

Yeah, and he was saying the right things, but I felt like I knew that.

Nicole 12:33

You knew, yeah, you knew like he was putting on a show. Yeah. Yeah. Joel's really good about nailing those guys. And you've ruined a lot of non-reality shows. Like, you know, I was I got started with Buffy, right? Yeah, with Buffy, like you're talking trash about Xander.

Joel 12:48

Well, really, it was Angel more than Angel. Anything who you loved.

Nicole 12:52

Who I was my like team crush.

Joel 12:55

This 150-year-old vampire is hitting a high school.

Nicole 13:00

Yeah. I felt attacked. But he's not wrong. You're not wrong. And then McDreamy. And then you totally like shit all over McDreamy. And I was like, oh my gosh, I have been, but you have not been wrong. Like every time you bring something like that to the table, I'm like, why did I think this was okay?

Joel 13:18

McDreamy totally took advantage of Gray.

Nicole 13:20

Yeah. I can't unsee it now, damn it.

Joel 13:26

Yep.

Nicole 13:27

Yeah. Where before, before you, I was just like, oh yeah, McDreamy and Meredith, they're the ideal couple. And it's like, uh, maybe not. Yeah.

Joel 13:37

I came around eventually, but he he wasn't as bad as I originally thought. It was just the way it happened. But anyways, we're digressing.

Nicole 13:43

Yes, we are. But we'll be doing that a lot on this show because we have a lot to say about these things. And that is exactly why I asked you to do this podcast with me, because you haven't studied the things I've studied. I've been studying for over 20 years attachment theory, the Gottman's work, IFS. And yet we'll be watching a reality show, or I'll be telling you a story from something that's happening in one of my clients' lives. And like in two seconds, you just fucking shred it with wisdom. And I'm like, you we need to hear your voice. Like, just because I'm the dating coach doesn't mean that my husband, who's just a regular guy who has really solid instincts for this stuff. Like constantly, I'm just like, how do you know that? Like, how do you, you know?

Joel 14:32

Yeah. Yeah. I I don't know. I wish I had the answer. I just it's instinctual, I suppose. But yeah, I do have very strong opinions about the way men should be treating women and you know, behind closed doors and in public.

Nicole 14:44

You know, they're not gonna get into all of them, but right now, but yeah, I mean, you know, but we will in future episodes, you know, that's what we're here for is to really have I really love that we have like the female dating coach perspective and a man who just has a solid intuition and instinct for relationship. And we put the two of us together. I the way I say things, even if we agree, like the way I say it and the way you say it are totally different. And that adds such value and like texture to the conversation. And we disagree on things plenty, which you will hear us do on this podcast.

Joel 15:25

Sure.

Nicole 15:26

So yeah.

Joel 15:27

Yeah. So well, the most the one thing we're really excited about doing is answering questions, you know, from the audience, from the listeners. Uh, so there's gonna be a link in the show notes, and we'd we're gonna love to do that and answer your questions on air. You're gonna get free dating advice, coaching from a dating coach and me.

Nicole 15:46

Yeah. Yeah. So fill out that form.

Joel 15:49

Yeah, we're super excited. Thanks for being here.

Nicole 15:52

And we'll see you next time. Bye.