Love on the Spectrum: The Proposal & Breakups We Can't Forget

If you think every breakup is a failure, this episode might change your mind.

We're diving into season four of Love on the Spectrum:  from Tyler's unforgettable Christmas-in-July proposal that had us both sobbing to the heartbreaking breakups that reminded us why love isn't enough.

Along the way, we unpack what these couples can teach us about compatibility, communication, vulnerability, love languages, and why sometimes the healthiest relationship decision is to let each other go.

Whether you're dating, engaged, married, or simply obsessed with Love on the Spectrum, this conversation is about much more than reality TV. It's about what healthy love really looks like.

Topics we cover:

• Tyler's proposal and the thoughtful details that made it unforgettable
• What Connor and Georgie's relationship teaches about feeling unseen
• Why Abby and David's breakup was the right decision
• Love languages, unmet needs, and communicating before resentment builds
• Why ending the wrong relationship is an act of love, not failure

 Have a dating or relationship question you want us to answer on the podcast? 

Want more dating advice between episodes?
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Transcript

Joel 0:03

Welcome back to Share the Pants. Today we're going to talk about our favorite reality love show.

Nicole 0:10

Ever. Our favorite ever.

Joel 0:11

Love on the Spectrum.

Nicole 0:13

So if you haven't seen season four and you don't want to be spoiled, walk away now.

Joel 0:18

Go, yeah, go watch it and then come back.

Nicole 0:20

That's right. Go watch it and then come back.

Joel 0:23

So uh big things happened on uh this season. We had an engagement, which was super exciting.

Nicole 0:31

So exciting.

Joel 0:31

And unfortunately, two breakups from two couples that were or fortunately, because if you're not if that's not your person, it's better to move on and find who is. That's true. But let's talk, yeah, let's talk about the engagement first. Let's let's let's start with the happy.

Nicole 0:50

Yes.

Joel 0:51

Um, I mean, if you watch that show and you weren't balling your eyes out during that engagement, I mean We were belovering, yeah.

Nicole 0:59

Like not a pretty cry from either of us.

Joel 1:02

I feel like that's probably the norm for anyone who's watched it. Yeah, I do, I think so too. I mean, this man, Tyler, you know, he's he knows how to romance, that's for sure. It's in his DNA.

Nicole 1:15

Yep.

Joel 1:15

He you know, and that also comes from, you know, just loving a woman that much that that makes you be romantic. I I truly feel that. Um, it makes you want to do go extra and plan the dates and do all that, do all that good stuff.

Nicole 1:29

But I mean Yeah, he took her to the place they met and her favorite holiday, and there that he loves Christmas too. They love they both love Christmas. But she listen, she has a Christmas tree up in her house all year round. That's that's a real love.

Joel 1:46

Yeah, for sure.

Nicole 1:48

And so he decorated, it was July when they met. So this was their, it was also around their anniversary that he took her back to their meeting place. So it was Christmas in July. He had Christmas trees set up, he had little reindeer out. Um, he had a mailbox for letters to Santa, which is where the ring was hiding. Yeah. And he had two little rocking chairs there. And, you know, she she did know, I think she did kind of have a suspicion, but I earlier in the season she thought it was gonna happen at their one-year anniversary dinner, and it didn't.

Joel 2:26

Yeah.

Nicole 2:26

And so I think he did caught he think he did catch her a little bit by surprise.

Joel 2:31

Um Yeah, well, I mean, you can be ment mentally prepared. We've talked about this in all sorts of aspects of life. You can be mentally prepared and then you're still, you know, it's still a shock. It's still, you know.

Nicole 2:41

Like, oh, this is real.

Joel 2:42

Yeah.

Nicole 2:43

It's happening.

Joel 2:44

Yeah.

Nicole 2:45

Um, but yeah, he I I think the thing that like got me in particular was the fact that um when she said yes, the way he cried out, like, oh, I'm gonna get like teary, even like just thinking back about it. Like he was elated, and then he was just bawling like a baby. And how can you not cry with that man who's just like so happy? These are tears of absolute fucking joy.

Joel 3:14

Yeah. Yeah, and we were all blubbering along with him.

Nicole 3:17

Yeah.

Joel 3:18

How could you not?

Nicole 3:19

How could you not? And one of the things I really loved is like when he opened the ring box. I think there's a moment, and for every woman, when we see proposals and we get a shot of the ring, we like evaluate is that a ring I would like? Is that a ring I wouldn't like? You know, like in my mind, I'm like, oh, I love that ring, or ooh, ooh, I would not want that ring. And her ring on the band had diamonds and rubies kind of alternated, like a candy cane. And I'm not a rubies person, but I thought that was the sweetest, most thoughtful ring choice because it's Christmas on a ring for her.

Joel 3:55

Yeah.

Nicole 3:55

And just so sweet.

Joel 3:56

Take notes, gentlemen. Like that's how you romance. This guy is like giving us a masterclass kid with Asperger's and autism.

Nicole 4:05

Like, he's and I think that's the thing that I love the most about the show is that it is so innocent and pure. Like there is a no-filtered innocence, like just being authentic that they can't help, right? Like when you have autism, like if you're not masking, then you just you wear all of your insides on your outsides. And being able to witness that in love dynamics, like it's so heartwarming. And it's also, you know, you and I have talked about this so much. Like, that's what it should be. We should all be keeping it that simple in romance.

Joel 4:47

Like, and yeah, it can be you know, the the reason we don't, I think, is because it can be harsh to the other person that it's just like, oh man, that sucks. They just they just flat out don't like this about me.

Nicole 4:57

And yeah.

Joel 4:59

But in reality, that's what I mean, that's what you're secretly saying to yourself, and it'd just be nice, it would be nice to just have that to be able to know all that openness.

Nicole 5:08

Yeah, what's going on with the other person. And I mean, we yeah, we have social politenesses and things like that. Right. It can't be too much too soon for neurotypical people. Right. But I think a little more vulnerability and authenticity and openness and simplicity would go a long way in in in relationships, especially in dating, and especially in the early stages of dating.

Joel 5:35

The more you can show up, definitely waste a lot less time.

Nicole 5:38

That's exactly because if somebody doesn't like you for you, then then you need to know that. Right.

Joel 5:43

You might be single for a lot longer than you like, but yeah, you're gonna you're not gonna waste your time with the wrong person.

Nicole 5:49

Exactly. Exactly. And that leads us into there was a breakup. Our longest couple, Abby and David, broke up this season.

Joel 6:01

Yep.

Nicole 6:02

And it was interesting as we were watching it when when Abby got the invitation to the engagement party. Um, she had some reactions that were honest.

Joel 6:14

Yeah.

Nicole 6:15

You know, like she was reminded she wants to get married, but then also she was very Right.

Joel 6:21

That inner polite voice was telling her, just be be happy for the person, be happy for the person, but but she couldn't contain it.

Nicole 6:29

Yeah.

Joel 6:30

And yeah, she was they've been, you know, dating for four or five years or something like that. And she's been pretty, you know, open about they've both been open to be fair, but she wants she wants this engagement. I feel like she's talked herself into thinking that it it's not as big of a deal. And I think that's what got triggered was was she was okay with, you know, well, it's gonna happen one one day. What's the rush? What's the rush? And then when her close friend on the show gets engaged after one year, yeah, it's like that's a confrontational moment. It's like, okay, I guess I do want this.

Nicole 7:04

I do really want to get married.

Joel 7:06

Yeah.

Nicole 7:06

Yeah. And David wasn't ready. And that, you know, neither of them are doing anything wrong. Abby's not doing anything wrong by wanting to get married and sooner. And David's not doing anything wrong by not being ready, but that is an incompatibility that when you face it, you do have a hard choice. Like, do I wait for this person?

Joel 7:24

But she's waited four or five years.

Nicole 7:27

Four or five years, and that's that's plenty of time to wait if you're when you know, like, no, I actually do want to be married, right? I want this. And so you gotta walk away and pursue what you want.

Joel 7:38

Yeah, well, my initial reaction, you know, while watching it is like this, you know, he's been dragg dragging her along. This is your typical guy that's in, you know. I want to get the word the verbiage correctly, but what neurotypical is is not autistic. Not autistic and neurodivergent is autistic. Okay. So I'm, you know, it's it's just instantly I'm coming from neurotypical uh brain thinking this is just another guy that, you know, stringing a girl along. Yeah, stringing a girl along. He doesn't, you know, he's never wants to get married, you know. But I can't, I'm trying not to think about it that that way.

Nicole 8:09

Yeah. And just for the like, you know, specifics of it, neurodivergent can covers other things now too, like ADHD, and it's not it's not all autistic, but neurotypical would classically mean like your brain functions in the way that I don't know if it's the way br brains are meant to function. I don't think that's really right either, but yeah, the majority of how brains function and neurotypical would be the minority and of of that. And and there's lots of things on that spectrum. Yeah. But yeah, which is why it's love on the spectrum because there's Asperger's, there's autism, there's different levels of autism, there's um ADHD, there's odd ADHD, there's so many things now, right?

Joel 8:47

It's a it's a rainbow of beautiful brains that work differently than anyways, the you know, he it just it just sucks because you know they they were the first, they were the OG.

Nicole 9:01

They were the first like success story of the American season, yeah.

Joel 9:05

Every season it was like, oh, well, we know Abby and David are good.

Nicole 9:07

Yeah. So our whole worlds are like, oh no, not Abby and David.

Joel 9:12

Yeah, but I could see it, you know, as soon as that conversation, I was like, they're they're they're gonna break up.

Nicole 9:17

You said that while we were watching it, and I I didn't, I was like, I don't think so. Like I could tell she's ready before him, but I thought she would wait for him. I really just thought, you know, she would she would wait. And and you know, who knows like what the conversations we didn't get to see on camera how their story really unfolded or how their breakup unfolded, but you know, we wish them the best, and I hope they both find oh yeah, you know, what they're what they're looking for.

Joel 9:44

100%.

Nicole 9:45

One of the breakups we did get to see more on camera is my favorite person, Connor. Connor and Georgie broke up this season, and I mean I almost hate to say this, but from their first date, I was not a Georgie fan. I thought Connor was too good for Georgie. Wow. And I, but I love the way he loves her, and I was so happy for him, but I, you know, secretly in the back of my mind, I'm thinking maybe the better way to put it is they're just not right for each other.

Joel 10:21

Not that he's not what I thought.

Nicole 10:24

So I'm not masking here. That's not what I thought. What I thought was Georgie's not good enough for Connor. I love Connor. I'm a as do I.

Joel 10:33

So someone that loves British culture and and yeah, yeah, British arts and movies and he feels like a kindred spirit.

Nicole 10:41

He is a kindred spirit for sure. But I thought that their um dynamic this season uh it was really beautiful to watch and witness because it's you know, he's coming into a more confident, secure version of himself as a result of meeting her and loving her. So in that way, I think Georgie's just perfect for him for the season they lasted for, right? But like one of the things that um when the season started, he was confiding in his mom that he wasn't really sure if Georgie really felt romance feelings for him, if it was a friendship or if it was a love relationship, and he kind of felt like she was hot and cold with him. And that's so relatable for anyone who's ever dated when you're sitting in that tension of like, are we on the same page? Do does this person like me as much as I like them? Is it going somewhere? Am I getting friend zoned? Like he was in, he was living in that tension of I can't really read her. I really don't know how she feels. And and I think he was even like, you know, I know what I'm feeling, and I don't want to keep feeling this if she's not there.

Joel 11:50

Right.

Nicole 11:50

And so his mom encouraged him to meet that head on and to have the courage to speak up and ask her, like, so he so early on in the season, he did have a conversation with her where he he put her on the spot. He was like, Listen, you know, I just want to know, are we just friends or is this romance? And she said, This is romance. Right. And one of the reasons he stated that he didn't know if what it was is that she's not as physically affectionate as him. Like sometimes when he tries to go to kiss her, she pulls away and she she was able to be vulnerable and say, you know, I'm still not comfortable with kissing yet. Because sensory for her, it's just not comfortable and she hasn't done it a whole lot. And so her comfort zone isn't in the physical physical affection, but she wanted him to know that didn't mean that she doesn't like him. It's just she's still getting used to kissing a boy, right? You know. And um, but then later, so they're all good after that conversation. Romance is back, green light go.

Joel 12:48

Go to England.

Nicole 12:48

They go to England together, he takes her to England and uh they have a good time for the most of the trip, but she, you know, makes some sarcastic jokes that he doesn't really know how to take.

Joel 12:57

Yeah.

Nicole 12:57

Um at his expense.

Joel 12:59

Yeah. Well, while he's pouring his soul out.

Nicole 13:02

Well, yeah, I'm getting to that part. So in they go to Hyde Park, they're in the Rose Garden, and they finally sit down after walking around for a while, and he starts to pour his heart, yeah, he starts to pour his heart out. He starts to try to be really romantic and affectionate. He's kind of being sentimental and talking about how they he he it feels like just yesterday they went on their first date and played croquet, and you know, mid-sentence, she's like, ooh, the bumblebees. Yeah. And then he'll try again. And then mid-sentence, like three or four different times, she's like, a bird, a bee, a ladybug. And you can tell he's getting frustrated. Like, you know, he's trying to have a moment, and she keeps interrupting it. Now, I do think she also made a couple of little small bids for connection. She was like pointing out there was a heart, a cloud that looked like a heart. Yeah, that's true. And that the bird was not just a bird, maybe it was a love dove. But she was very distracted by nature, and you know, he you could just tell his heart was like deflated. Right. So then they the next, you know, the next scene is he's back at the hotel with his mom and kind of recapping the trip, and he says something along the lines to his mom of like, you know, I was trying to be have this romantic moment with Georgie at the park. And his exact words were, She was more transfixed by the honeybees and the ladybugs than with me. And his mom says, Well, how did that make you feel? And he's like, I felt invisible.

Joel 14:40

Yeah.

Nicole 14:41

And I just I mean, that's I can't count the times that I have felt invisible in a relationship because the way that I communicate love and the way that I receive love is just not the way the other person does it.

Joel 15:00

And that's not to say that people who have different love languages can't, you know, because can't get on the same page and like you know, you and I have different love languages.

Nicole 15:10

Yeah, I'm a words of affirmation person.

Joel 15:13

Yeah, I'm an acts of service.

Nicole 15:15

Right, and I'm not. And but we have stuff in common too. We both have, you know, we both enjoy physical touch and we both enjoy quality time. I was having trouble thinking of what that word is. Like, what's that word? Quality time. So I feel like we s we speak some of common love language, but then we're opposites in other things. But I think the important thing is, you know, Gary Chapman, when he wrote about love languages, he calls it everybody has a love tank. And so your job is to fill the other person's love tank. But if you're filling it with diesel when the car doesn't take diesel, it's not it's gonna not be good.

Joel 15:55

Right. And and so Which is something that, you know, you just have to work, you have to work through.

Nicole 16:00

Yeah, you have to work to accommodate.

Joel 16:02

You know, I will feel, you know, I'll feel like, well, my my acts of service are, you know, this should be this should be enough what I'm doing. I'm doing this for you.

Nicole 16:10

Yeah.

Joel 16:10

But yeah, that's not it's not how it works.

Nicole 16:13

No.

Joel 16:13

It's only part of the equation.

Nicole 16:15

It is only part of the equation. And I mean, I think the cool thing is that for in your case, acts of service, I love to receive acts of service. I I'm not good at performing them for my partner, but like receiving them actually does fill my love tank. So I'm not like, you're not doing enough because you're not speaking words of affirmation, but I also am not okay with zero words of affirmation ever in our lives. Like I need some of it, but I don't need as much as I give because I do receive acts of service as l as love. Like I do see that as well.

Joel 16:49

So I guess it's kind of a spectrum as well.

Nicole 16:50

Yeah, it is. It's not a black or white thing.

Joel 16:54

Yeah, but with Connor and Georgie, it's you know, it just they just weren't the unfortunately.

Nicole 17:00

For all of us, yeah. Yeah. Well, not for me, because I want Connor to be with somebody else.

Joel 17:06

Yeah, but you still want the you know, you want it to work out with whoever he's with, like at least I you you want all the magic to happen, you know. Yeah, it wasn't the right person, but that that still sucks. Yeah, it does. Yeah, you're right.

Nicole 17:20

It does suck.

Joel 17:21

Because it could have, you know, it we don't we don't know that, you know, you know he doesn't know that. She didn't know that until we got to this point.

Nicole 17:27

No, that's a huge that's a really good point because that's the point of dating.

Joel 17:32

Yeah.

Nicole 17:32

You don't know if that person is your person. And you can think they are, and and that doesn't mean you're wrong when it turns out they're not. She was the right person for him until he realized that some needs that he had weren't being met.

Joel 17:49

And and she couldn't Yeah, after communicating, yeah, it still wasn't.

Nicole 17:53

Like he didn't just like dump her because she made a joke or got distracted. He talked to her about it and he talked to other people about it.

Joel 18:00

And but really, I mean I think what should have happened, which you know, hindsight, it it is what it is, as as the person going through it, as Connor, you know, what he should have done, it's easier to say, but is during that, whenever that was happening in the moment, like Georgie, this is exactly what I'm talking about.

Nicole 18:19

Right. Yeah.

Joel 18:21

I'm trying to pour my heart out and I'm getting nothing back. At least that's what he felt.

Nicole 18:27

Yeah. Yeah. If he could have addressed it.

Joel 18:29

She was trying to. I feel like in her own way, like you said, with the cult with the cloud that looked like a heart, and he didn't see it. And then by the and that's actually a you know pretty good metaphor that they found within the show within that moment was by the time he looked up at it, it it was already broken. She said, Yeah. She said, Oh, it already broke in half.

Nicole 18:51

Yeah, the exact moment that very it was the exact moment they were breaking in half. Yeah.

Joel 18:56

Unbeknownst at the time, probably for both of them, but yeah.

Nicole 19:00

Yeah, I mean, I agree. Like, in in the best case scenario, in your highest level self, you'd be able to in the moment address it in real time. But so many people, I mean, I just as a dating coach, like so many people struggle for those real time moments. And one thing that I teach is like, ask for a redo, you know, and like, hey, remember when this happened? Like, can we can I have a redo of this conversation? Or can I, in the moment, I should have said this, but you know, I couldn't find my words or I froze. Right. But I need to, you know, circle back and tell you this thing. And um, but ultimately, I think at the end of the day, like I don't again, we don't know how the breakup conversation went. We didn't get to see that part. Right. But at the end of the day, I think he made the right decision. And I do, you know, I I do think for me, I don't want somebody just to be in love for being in love's sake because love isn't enough. Like, yes, I love the love and I love watching love stories unfold, but like if you're with the wrong person, eventually that's gonna be pain wrapped in love. And like as a dating coach, I am trying to actively help people stay out of that. So for me, I'm like break up sooner, let's go, let's, you know, like if it's not right, get out and find your person. Um, but again, I think that Georgie was the Georgie like unlocked a new Connor. I mean, we saw a different Connor this season, and that he believes in love now, I think. Yeah, that is a result of their relationship. So it wasn't a waste of time, which is another thing that truly believes in love. Yeah, he truly like, and he has evidence that he can have it.

Joel 20:41

Yeah.

Nicole 20:42

And sometimes you need that. You need those intro relationships, you know. Sometimes you're the first relationship you have is gonna be it, and sometimes it's not. Sometimes you're gonna build upon that. You're gonna take what was really good and believe you can have that again with somebody else, and it's even better, and you just keep building from there. So either way, it's a win-win for them both. They both got to experience something really beautiful, and they called it at the right time, which I think is actually a a win, even though it is it is heartbreaking. I'm sure both of them are gonna go through pain, and that sucks for sure. But like ultimately, it's really what's best for them both.

Joel 21:20

Yep. Yep. Yeah, so all in all, great season. It was a great season.

Nicole 21:26

Even though some heartache.

Joel 21:27

But we also had a big celebration.

Nicole 21:30

So yep.

Joel 21:31

Yeah.

Nicole 21:32

So very enjoyable season, highly recommend.

Joel 21:34

Looking forward to more.

Nicole 21:35

Yeah.

Joel 21:36

Hopefully, next season we'll see the wedding.

Nicole 21:38

Yeah. And hopefully next season we'll be able to talk through episode by episode and really, you know, share all of our joy and our musings with you guys.

Joel 21:48

Or at least episode dump through episode dump, as Netflix likes to do.

Nicole 21:51

Yeah, that's true. That's true. So we will see you guys back here for the next conversation. And don't forget, submit your questions, and we'll talk to you soon.

Joel 22:02

Can't wait.