The Insecurities I Had to Face Before Finding My Person

What did Joel have to overcome before finding his queen?

In this deeply personal episode, Joel steps into the spotlight to answer a listener question about the insecurities, struggles, and life experiences that shaped his journey to love.

From being the shy kid who got teased at school, to years of self-doubt, partying, failed goals, weight struggles, and believing he had little to offer a partner, Joel shares the honest story of what kept him stuck and what ultimately helped him move forward.

Along the way, Nicole and Joel unpack confidence, rejection, self-worth, and the difference between becoming perfect versus becoming ready for a healthy relationship.

If you've ever wondered whether your insecurities, past mistakes, or lack of relationship experience are holding you back from finding love, this conversation is for you.

In this episode:
• The confidence struggles that followed Joel from childhood into adulthood
• Why he didn't have a serious relationship until his late 30s
• The self-improvement changes that transformed his life
• What rejection can do to your sense of self-worth
• How the right partner reflects back the best parts of who you already are
• Why finding love isn't about becoming perfect

Plus, Nicole and Joel share their first predictions for the newest season of Married at First Sight and reveal which couples they're rooting for, which ones they're worried about, and who they think won't make it to Decision Day.

Have a question you'd like us to answer on the podcast? Send it our way. We just might feature it in a future episode.

Submit your question HERE (the form takes less than 5 minutes to complete and you can remain anonymous if you like)

Want more dating advice between episodes?
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TikTok: @datingpowers 

Transcript

Nicole 0:04

Welcome back to Share the Pants. Today we have got another listener question, and this one comes from Yvette in Virginia. Now, Yvette and I know each other, but she doesn't know a lot about Joel. So her question is for Joel. And she says, We've heard a lot about your story and growth, but what did Joel need to overcome to find his queen?

Joel 0:26

Well, that is a great question. And one, frankly, I'm a little nervous to even answer and unpack because it puts me pretty vulnerable here and makes me feel like the spotlight is directly on me and revealing things that I'm not necessarily comfortable revealing. And I know I can reveal what I want to reveal and not, but I also want to be as open as possible.

Nicole 0:50

So well, I just want to celebrate your courage for taking Yvette's question head on.

Joel 0:57

Thank you.

unknown 0:58

Yeah.

Nicole 0:58

Go Joel. Go Joel. It's not your birthday.

Joel 1:06

All right. So first I want to jump into what I had to overcome, just kind of a blanket of what they what all the issues were. Confidence is the biggest one. So I have confidence, self-esteem, anger, selfishness, expectations, and open-mindedness. But I'm going to focus mostly on the confidence uh part because I feel like that was the biggest thing I had to overcome. So in order to get a little bit of context, I'm just going to go through some of my life story a little bit. I try not to harp on it too much and get too boring, but but just some of the things that led to being not a confident person, self-esteem, taking being really, really hard on myself, and the things that I had to overcome. So I first of all, when I was a kid, I was very shy. And the first thing I really remember being made fun of for was walking on my toes. And I did that probably all the way through sixth grade or something. And and at that point I was really focused on trying to fix it. And I remember being made fun of for it and called T-Rex and whatnot. And and so I've literally like had to tell myself, like, heel toe, heel, toe, like as I was walking to to stop it. Now, the end of that is I have awesome legs and calves now, and it's because of that. So there was a blessing to that. And yeah.

Nicole 2:40

If if Joel wants to let me know that he's in the mood, he just shows me one of his sexy legs, and suddenly we're off to the races.

Joel 2:48

That's right. That's right. So that was the first like real shot to my confidence and things that I had to, things that I had to work on. And then I want to get into a little bit of of when I was, I felt like I was hot stuff and junior high, and I sort of ch had a whole wardrobe change and and started dressing nice.

Nicole 3:10

And wait, why did you start dressing nice? I think this is an important part of the story.

Joel 3:14

Because my brother had a girlfriend and she did made a deal with me one day. I I had, you know, Jinkos and velvet shirts from Gadzooks and Which were all the rage back then. Which were all the rage, yeah. Then she made a deal with me. I'll wear your clothes for one day if you let me pick out an outfit for you to wear. And so I did, and it was like probably Tommy Hill figure and some American Eagle jeans. And and I was like getting hit on that day at school so much, and so I was like, okay, I'm gonna start chopping at the buckle now. And and so, anyways, but even then, like I, you know, I was always even when you're at your best and feeling the most confident, there's still those insecurities that are that are driving that, yeah, in in the first place. But but I was also you know a a dick back then too, and and a a bit of a bully at times, and it wasn't anything really malicious on my end as far as like why I was doing it. It was just to impress my friends, and that's been a theme, you know, throughout throughout my twenties at least, I would say. Do things because it's cool, and some of my biggest regrets in life are are doing things because they were considered to be cool instead of what I was really passionate about, like drama and music. In high school I chose football and soccer, which I wasn't even all that good at over drama.

Nicole 4:44

I mean, you were good at soccer, at those calves, tell me.

Joel 4:47

I was okay, uh, still. I mean, I was good in like junior high, and then in high school I wasn't very good though. I mean, I didn't even get I didn't start for my varsity team, so you know, I wasn't that good. Not good enough to justify continuing to play, it was just in my mind it was cooler to play soccer than to be a theater. Yeah, be a theater and partying with my friends. And I did do drama in in tenth grade, and I remember letting down my my scene partner at at a competition in in Stillwater, and I didn't study my lines good enough, and I, you know, I felt like an idiot up there because I let her down, and I feel like that was kind of the end, the end of that. But anyways, I talked about all that stuff because because then because I had good confidence, and people would even call me cocky at that time in my life, and maybe I was, probably a little more than than I should have been, but but I took those as criticisms and like I'm not cocky, you know. I don't, I don't know. Everything, I feel like I just take everything so seriously, and I'm so hard on myself and beat myself up, beat myself up over everything.

Nicole 5:53

I don't think you're alone in that. I think most people have an inner critic. And when you're having that that external feedback of like, this is what's wrong with you, or you know, you're getting made fun of, or you're getting shamed for feeling yourself, like then it's easy to. I mean, I just feel like we all, even now, I mean, I feel like we all still face the external voices and having to be like, is that my truth, or is that just somebody else's perception of me? And do I wanna be gentle with myself or do I want to like beat myself up with that information? Right. And a lot of us do choose our inner critic because they're loud and mean.

Joel 6:33

Right. Yes. Yeah, very, very much so, in my case for sure. So I kind of leaned into the party lifestyle for way longer than I should have and kind of made it a personality trait instead of anything else and focusing on goals and and dreams, and so a lot of those goals that I had younger as when I was younger, I lost and I I didn't fulfill, and I failed out of college, and you know, did all this and a lot of stuff was going on going on then. I ran into some legal trouble because of my partying, and my dad died of cancer when I was around when I was he had cancer, was diagnosed with it when I was in Stillwater, and then I moved back to Lawton. But then I had a chance to to go to school there, and I fucked that up too. So so yeah, all those things, and then I gained weight and got, you know, up to around 240, and hadn't been in a serious relationship, and at that point it felt like I was just like, this is getting into my late 20s and probably the heaviest I've I'd ever been, and and I felt that like I felt like I there I felt like I wasn't good enough for because of because of where my where I was in my career, in my life, with my weight. I was like, what what do I have to offer? I don't have anything to offer. Who would who would want this, this failure on in all aspects of my life? But I will say that even through through those times, I always had a good friend group and I always had close friends, and I, you know, I was always a part of something, and I lean I leaned on that, and I had a lot of great times during those years. And while I was beating myself up and focused on on my failures, also the whole time I knew I was a good person and I had worked on being a better person and and worked on I beat myself up over those actions in high school when I felt like I was a bully and mean to kids and do and doing things to kids that were just because my friends thought it was it was cool or they would think I was cool by doing that. And God, I feel so horrible for for some of that stuff and beat myself up over it, and I feel like all that self-reflection did make me kind. And I will say I took mushrooms in college, and I feel like everything changed after that one trip. So I don't not sit here advocating for people to do drugs or whatever, but I will say that like I went I went from a this stuff is important in my life to none of that shit matters, and just be kind and be a good person and everything's gonna work out. All of that is superficial bullshit. And so there was a big big change in my life after that. But the problem is I leaned too far into that side and didn't balance it enough and and went did it for too long basically. And did what for too long? The party lifestyle.

Nicole 9:44

Yeah.

Joel 9:45

So so once I had kind of hit that wall and realized that it wasn't good enough, and what do I have to do to actually to change? What do I have to do to get better? That just beating yourself up isn't healthy, it's not good enough. So what am I gonna actually do to change? And the first thing was that the first thing that I really did was stop smoking cigarettes because I knew that was a very unattractive thing. It's so hard to it's already hard for a guy out there to to find a good woman, but when you're smoking cigarettes, you wouldn't have been okay with that.

Nicole 10:23

No, I would have swiped left if I saw smoker.

Joel 10:26

That was the first thing. I think that was like 2015. I stopped smoking cigarettes, and then it was 2017. I know, I know, I remember it was 2017 for sure, because that's when we went to New Zealand with the family, and I made it my I because I, you know, I knew there was going to be a ton of pictures, and so that was when I made the decision to lose weight, and I busted my ass and really got to it. And I'm not I'm not trying to say that you need to do what whatever I did to to you don't need to lose weight necessarily to feel better about yourself. In fact, you really shouldn't need to do that to feel better about yourself, but it's what I needed at the time, and I felt like that was gonna fix my problems. And I mean, health-wise, it sure as hell did. I mean, I was I had sleep apnea. That was another thing that that really made me do it was I I did a sleep test and got had sleep apnea, like severe sleep apnea, and just from my roommates telling me, dude, you fucking snore like a maniac. And so losing weight cured the sleep apnea for the most part. It cured my high blood pressure, you know, all these health issues that I had went significant significantly away when I lost weight. I lost like 70 pounds. I went from 240, about 240 to about 170 before I went to New Zealand. And and yeah, I mean, and also confidence did have a huge spike after that. I actually started going on dates again, and it had been a long time since I was had seen a girl on a date, and a few years at least, far longer than I care to admit, to be honest. But but yeah, so that so that was huge for me. So what else? Quit smoking cigarettes, lost weight, but that didn't cure all all the problems. First of all, in in Texas, it was just I felt like the dating apps. I had zero luck on the dating apps. In fact, the couple dates that I did, uh girls that I did go out with a little bit, they were met on like a a setup or a friend introduced us, and so we dated for a little while. But but yeah, I had zero luck on the apps in in Dallas. So the there's the hits. Well, you know, now my career's a little bit better, and it still is, you know, isn't what I ever dreamed of, but at least I was I could go out, you know, I could I could buy you things and take you out to dinner, and so so it wasn't like what do I have to offer? It was like, well now I have a lot to offer, you know, my job's going better, my but I still couldn't I still I still felt like my my relationship side just I couldn't get it going. And that was one of the driving factors that brought me back to Oklahoma in 2020. Probably the main the main reason. There was a few reasons, but that was the main one. And and then I had a lot better luck when I moved here. It just felt like in Dallas, it was so superficial. It was like if I I pulled up in my Camry and like that's not good enough. Like, I don't know, it just felt felt weird down there. It felt like I didn't belong. I was like, this isn't this isn't for me. I need I'm gonna go back to my roots. My woman is in Oklahoma, and she was. And so so yeah, those are you know a lot of the things I had to overcome. And as far as self-esteem is concerned, Nicole has been my godsend for that. Because she just makes me feel like I am the best.

Nicole 13:51

And because you are well, thank you.

Joel 13:53

Thank you. Yeah, you make me see the what I felt like I I had to offer to people that you you you make me feel like I offer everything.

Nicole 14:03

And yeah, I think that's a really important like to linger on for a minute because I do think that for a lot of singles, like deep down, you know you're a good catch. You know you have something to offer. But when you keep taking hit after hit of rejection, rejection, nothing going the right way, like how how are you supposed to like the evidence all shows, you know, I'm not it for the majority of the population. Like, you forget that you are it, someone you are someone's perfect, right? Right. And I think that when you do meet your person, like both of us, we we knew that we would be really good at relationship, but we didn't have any evidence of that. And we knew we had things to offer, but we didn't have evidence that people wanted what we wanted to give until we met each other. And it's like then just the puzzle pieces just fit together. Like you see me the way that I see me. Like the things I love about myself, you can see them. Where with other people, it felt like the things I love about myself were maybe annoying to other people, or they didn't get it, or they didn't see it at all. They didn't see me the way that I see myself. Or they saw me in ways that like I didn't think was true at all. And I was like, I just felt really misunderstood. Right. And so I mean, I would argue like your self-esteem was in there.

SPEAKER_02 15:34

Yeah.

Nicole 15:35

It's just that you finally got external validation that like how you saw yourself is actually valuable.

Joel 15:42

Right. Right. Which I hadn't ever felt I hadn't felt in a really long time, at least.

Nicole 15:48

Yeah.

Joel 15:49

That you actually saw me for who I was.

Nicole 15:52

Because you wanted to be seen. Yeah.

Joel 15:54

And I and I had done a lot of work and a lot of self self-work to get to get to this place. And I know a lot of people party through their 20s. It's yeah, I mean, so I don't feel like terrible about that, but I just felt like a lot of let a lot of other things slide because of it. And you look back and you look at where where you are now, and and you you know, if you're listening to this and you're not there yet, I just believe me, I was there till I was 37. I didn't meet you until I was 37. And I hadn't had a serious relationship until I was 37, which was a huge self-esteem knock to me. It's like I just felt like I think I even told my sister this at one point. It's like, I I just girls just don't get me. Like, I wish I was gay. Like, I really do. I I did. Yeah. At the time. I was like, man, because I I get along with, you know, the guys just get me. And I've had a lot of good girl girlfriends too. It's but they were one of the guys. Yeah, friend zones for sure.

Nicole 16:51

Yeah.

Joel 16:52

But yeah.

Nicole 16:53

So I know it's funny. On a previous podcast episode, you said something about, you know, you're pretty sure your mom thought you were gay.

SPEAKER_02 17:00

Yeah.

Nicole 17:00

And my family, I mean, there was a rumor going around behind my back that I was a lesbian because I brought one of my best girlfriends home for my birthday dinner. I was always allowed to have a birthday dinner guest. And most of the time I did bring a boy, but one year I brought a girl because I was I was actually intentionally single because I was the serial serial monogamist. I'm the exact opposite of you, where I was always in a relationship. Not the right ones, but I was always in a relationship. And so I brought a girl home one time, and my whole family behind my back was like, is that her lover? Like, what the fuck?

Joel 17:35

Yeah. The first thought, yeah. Yeah. That's their generation, man. Like, that's that's boomer versus millennial or ex-millennial, however you want to describe us or you or me.

Nicole 17:51

But and I know this is totally off topic, but now I'm seeing like Taylor Swift and Travis Kelsey being accused of being in a lavender marriage, which was which is basically like they're both gay, but they're pretending they're straight. And I'm like, I bet people are think about think that about us sometimes. For the record. Not true. No, I don't know. I just I just wondered, like, oh. Because people thought you were gay, people thought I was a lesbian, so you know, it wouldn't be a far stretch.

Joel 18:19

Yeah. Dumb. Dumb reasons either way, but yeah. So what what else? What else? I would say uh I'll harp a little bit on anger just because it is still something that that I work on, and we're never anger angry with each other. Or I mean we get mad, but yeah, obviously we you know we fight from time to time, but it's nothing we're respectful. Yeah, very yeah, respectful, exactly. And I feel like that's something that I had to work on internally for sure. I came from a a dad who was just blew up at the smallest thing. It it was never like a reasonable conversation when you did something wrong. It was m almost all the time it just went from zero to a hundred. And and so I saw that and tried to really didn't want to be that. So that was the one thing from my dad. I was like, I do not want to be this person. And do I fail at it sometimes? Absolutely. Not with you, thankfully, but but I let it out in other in other ways.

Nicole 19:22

And well, I think for the record sometimes. And yeah, anger is not bad. It's what you do with it. So I think if you're expressing it in healthy ways, then that's perfectly that's perfect, right? But yeah. You you have never come at me and I haven't come at you. And and we both have tempers. I mean, I'm angry too. Like I'm an you know, anger was my primary emotion. Yeah. It was the only one that was actually allowed and acknowledged in my family. Yeah. Like he who yells the loudest wins in our house. So, you know, I had to learn really like over years of practice that that is not healthy and that that is not going to make a relationship work.

Joel 20:07

I feel that too for sure. I grew up, I mean my mom were the the shy ones in a in a house full of introverts. So two out of six.

Nicole 20:15

Extroverts, you mean?

Joel 20:16

Yeah. We were the two introverts, introverts in a house full of extroverts. And so yeah, it was it's easy to hide and easy to just kind of get tuck in the corner and do your own thing. But yeah. So I definitely, definitely feel that. So what else? What's the moral of the story here?

Nicole 20:37

Well, I think that the moral of the story is you, like everybody, had childhood, teenage, adolescent, you know, hardships and things that shaped how you saw yourself that in an adult in a in an adult frame you had to like really recover from and shift and be aware of how you got to where you were, and then look forward to like where do I want to go and how am I going to get there? And then ultimately, like, you fucking did the work. I mean, the things you listed, like stopping smoking, losing weight, what else? Like m moving, these are big life changes, not like, well, you know, I rewrote my dating profile so that it sounded really good. By the way, you didn't do that. Like, you know, you but you you changed some really like core things that allowed you to get to where you are now. And like you said, it didn't fix every insecurity you have. Nothing, nothing ever will. We're always gonna be confronted by our own trauma, wounding, insecurities, attachment style, fill in the blank. Like we're human. We're never gonna get to a level where we don't feel hard feelings, where we don't slide into old behavior that's not the best. Like we're flawed. We're gonna be flawed. Right. But you did enough work to where you felt like you could get better. Back out there. I I am curious because like you did take such a big break from dating. What was there like one thing that you told yourself when you were ready to like put yourself back out there of like this is why I can now? Like what how did that shift happen?

Joel 22:15

Um I it was it was losing weight and and getting having more money and progressing in my at my job and getting promoted and all that stuff probably led to it. Yeah. It's like I need to do this better first and then I can then a girl can actually take me seriously.

unknown 22:34

Okay.

Nicole 22:34

Yeah. I feel like we need to make a whole episode on the weight thing because both of us have struggled with weight. And I think we have a different perspective on the on this side of it than we did when we were actively dating. And but that that'll be for a different day. Sure. Yeah. Yeah.

Joel 22:53

So yeah, I think that that wraps up. That's a that's just a a portion of of my story, but the highlights, yeah.

Nicole 23:00

I know I think it's super relatable. I I mean, you know, I I know all those parts of your story, but I think hearing them in kind of a chronological order in this way, like, you know, it's yeah. I feel like it it you really let us in. Me too, like right. I feel like I know you deeper now, and I thought I knew you really deeply, you know. So it's like I think it's a and I think it's so relatable, like so many of the of the things that you've experienced, while they're very jull, like your life experience, the themes underneath. We've all been there. We all feel those things, like some version of it. So thanks for sharing you in such a deep way. I know it wasn't your favorite thing to do. So I'm sweating. So thank you.

Joel 23:52

Sweating right now. Felt like a lot. All right.

Nicole 23:56

It is a lot. So you nailed it.

Joel 23:59

Well, thank you, thank you. So before we go, we wanted to do one thing. We we just started watching our uh dating show that we both that we both like, an insane one called Married at First Sight, where the first time they see the person, they get set up on matchmaking, and the first person first time they meet their husband or wife is at the altar.

Nicole 24:18

Yeah. I love it. As an experiment, I freaking love it so much.

Joel 24:22

Never ever do it.

Nicole 24:23

It's the one show yeah, that I watched that I would like dating show that I would be like, I would never actually go on that one.

Joel 24:28

Same. Well, there's plenty that I wouldn't go on, but right. That's the top of the list.

Nicole 24:33

Yeah. But we wanted to share our predictions because the season just, you know, is just now coming out.

Joel 24:40

Yeah, they just dropped the first three episodes.

Nicole 24:42

Yeah, so we don't know a lot about these couples, they don't know a lot about each other. Yeah. We've just seen the matchmaking process in the weddings, and so we're gonna tell you who we think's gonna work and who we don't.

Joel 24:53

And then the next thing they do is go on the honeymoons, and a lot of the times shit flips like on a dime once they're together on the honeymoon, and you thought this person that who's on their best behavior on their wedding day is now just a completely different person. Yeah. I expect at least a couple of these to be completely wrong.

Nicole 25:14

Of course.

Joel 25:14

Yeah, but either way, these are our first uh predictions. Do you want to or I'll I'll go first. I've got it pulled up here. So I have at the top of my list Cameron, who I feel I'm I'm putting him at the top of my list, Cameron and Michelle, because as a yes, they're gonna make it. Wait because he's like me. He's the he's never been in a long-term relationship, 37 years old. Oh, I missed him. So it's like the same, same day. I'm like, okay, this guy's gonna figure he's got it figured out. He just needed a chance, he needed the to find the right girl to and so really rooting for him. So that's part of the reason why he's at there at the top of my list.

Nicole 25:51

Okay, I just noticed something about the list that I want to kind of point out. You put all the boys first, and I'm wondering, are these are is your ranking more about the guy than the girl in the partnership? Okay.

Joel 26:03

That's just I I did it the that way the first on the first one, so I had to keep it consistent down the line. That's the OCD organizer in me. That's not the.

Nicole 26:11

Okay, okay, okay. Yeah. So at the top of my list are actually, although you're you're this is the bad thing about being a Libra, is that you can convince me to switch sides, like because I can see the the point of all of it, right? I can see the both sides. But actually, um at the top of my list are Nick and Courtney. Now, Nick has been on reality TV before he was on the circle, and then from there he got asked to come onto the perfect match, which is kind of like it's a lot of different reality stars date each other from different shows. And I think he's really ready. Yeah. And I think she's really ready. I think she's gonna have more to overcome. Yeah, I'm worried about her. I think she's gonna have more to overcome, but I'm rooting for them.

unknown 26:52

Yeah.

Nicole 26:52

They're at the top of my who I'm rooting for the most. I think Cameron and Michelle would be my number two spot.

Joel 26:58

Okay.

Nicole 26:58

And then I actually think that's both a yes from us is Mecca Mecca. Yeah, Mecca. Mecca and Bella Jolie. I think he has to overcome his anxious attachment. His anxious attachment on the wedding day was like through the fucking round.

Joel 27:14

I think for him, it's just because he was his dad is this alpha. So I think when he's not around, his dad. Yeah, I think he's gonna be different. Yeah, his dad was I think they're gonna work out. Also, just just to note on this show, like they're already married, so the chance of them at the end being like, Yeah, we might as well keep trying, because otherwise it's a divorce. But what usually happens is they'll they'll say yes at the end of the show, and then when they do the reunion, they've broken up. Maybe later they've all they most not always, but a lot of times they've broken up. So Yeah.

Nicole 27:44

So are we saying yes, they'll say yes on the day of decision day, or are we saying they're gonna make it yes? Okay, okay. So yeah, I think I think Mecca and Bella Joli will make it. I think there will be plenty of drama to be had with them, but I think they're gonna make it. I think he's gonna learn a lot about himself. I think he's gonna be the most vulnerable and I think the most fun to watch for me. As somebody who like loves to dig into the psychology of it all, yeah, I love him. And then who else do we have?

Joel 28:12

Well, I had Nick and Courtney, you had them number one, I have them number three. Okay. And I had Jessica and Bella Jolie number two as in order of how they're gonna make it. And I have all three of those as yeses, and the rest of mine are no's. They're seven total, and so they're I have three out of seven making it.

Nicole 28:29

Yeah. I need a refresher on Devin and Caitlin.

Joel 28:33

He's the one that calls himself he looks like a giant douchebag.

Nicole 28:36

And I think he probably is, but yeah, he knows that he looks like a douchebag. Yeah. Okay, I have them as a yes, actually. They're a no for you.

Joel 28:44

They're a no for me. He's only 27. They're both they're the only ones that are in their 20s, I think. And I just don't think they're ready.

Nicole 28:50

I think they're a yes for me, but I think they're gonna be I think it's gonna be spicy.

SPEAKER_02 28:54

Yeah.

Nicole 28:55

And then everybody else is also a no for me.

unknown 28:59

Yeah.

Nicole 29:00

But not all of them. I mean, like, I I just want to say if it's a no, I am still rooting for them. Right. I want I want it to work, but the chances are Unless they turn out to be unless they turn out to be their personalities get shown, which will will happen.

Joel 29:15

Yeah, that's true.

Nicole 29:15

I always forget about that part. Like I just go in, like, okay, just based on what I know, you know. And I mean, I'm rooting for love a hundred percent of the time. I can't, I can't root against love. Like, I'm rooting for love, not for maybe them exactly. But yeah, just uh upon observation, I think that Nikki and Sean, they're the oldest couple this season. And I think they're actually they were they're well suited to each other. I think actually the matchmakers did a good job. I don't know that their personality, like they are good on paper. I don't think their personalities are gonna work well together. I think you can be good on paper and not have chemistry, and I don't just mean physical attraction. I mean like just like the way you speak, the way you move through the world, like just a vibe. Like the vibes aren't are bad right now. Right. Then we have Adam and Marissa. Okay, when we first started watching, I I was like, I wanted them to be a yes for me, but the more we got to know Adam, I hate him. I hate him. He's so rigid.

Joel 30:18

Everything's black and white with him. Nothing, there's no middle ground. It's either you're, you know, he she drinks alcohol. Oh my god, that's poison. And you know, you can have your opinion on that, whatever. Everything in moderation is my opinion. She said, I I just want you to honor. She sent him some note saying she just wants to hang out and hopefully they can eat craft mac and cheese, like the easy Mac in the microwave. And his reaction was like, uh, oh, microwave plastic, like, oh yeah, not gonna poison myself with that. So he's instantly just, yeah.

Nicole 30:52

Yeah, he's gonna have a hard time because open-mindedness. This is something that he's either gonna have to overcome and learn to open his mind and be more understanding to other people's worldviews and lifestyles, or he's gonna get so rigid. Like I think you either, when you're when you're already coming into a relationship slightly rigid, you either double down on your rigidity or you become more flexible and you build more capacity to like expand and allow the other person, you don't have to change you, but you allow the other person to be themselves. And I feel like he doesn't have the capacity to let her be herself at all. No, so I think he's gonna struggle. Yeah.

Joel 31:30

So they're the last two for me, Adam and Marissa and Felipe and Tore are both just dumpster fire, no way, no chance. Yeah. In hell for me.

Nicole 31:38

Felipe and Tori are an interesting one because we both like he's the reason. They like she's great. Tori's great. He is a hot mess. He's in his partying era still.

Joel 31:50

He doesn't come home until four o'clock in the morning, like almost nightly.

Nicole 31:54

Yeah.

Joel 31:54

And yeah, he's you know, he's a restaurant owner, and so he doesn't get done till late, but still, it's like every night, you know, it's basically it sounds like it's every night.

Nicole 32:02

Yeah.

Joel 32:02

In his interview process, he was late to both zoom Zoom call in the in-person.

Nicole 32:08

And he no-showed one of them. Yeah. Yeah. Like they still cast him. I don't know why they cast him. Yeah. But I do feel like, you know, he has a mindset. He thinks, Felipe thinks that once he's married, that will shift his lifestyle. Like, I think he just decided, as long as I'm single, I can behave this way. Yeah. But as soon as I get married, then I will shut that off and I'll be like the family husband at home guy. And I mean, I understand thinking that way, but it's not you have to practice.

SPEAKER_02 32:41

Right.

Nicole 32:41

Like there's gonna be a major, I don't know, like it's a transition to make that shift. And if you're trying to make it while you're already married, can it be done? I think so. Can is he capable of it? I'm not sure. Yeah. And also he's but I think that she will fall in love with his family. I think that the family will be a big because her family's not she doesn't have a like solid, healthy family. So I think she's gonna attach to his family. I think she's gonna do everything in her power to make this work.

SPEAKER_02 33:14

Yeah.

Nicole 33:14

She also thinks he's really hot, so I think you know, that'll last, that'll be a hook for as long as it lasts. But I think they're gonna have a lot. Unless he just unless he just dramatically changes his behavior. They're right. I know, but I mean that's the only thing I could say. Like, unless a miracle happens, yeah, you know, I think they're not gonna make it either. So them's the predictions.

Joel 33:36

Yeah, and again, I'm probably gonna be wrong on dead wrong on a couple that I thought were great and they're horrible, and then I think they're horrible and maybe they're great, but I don't know. We'll see.

Nicole 33:46

Yeah, we'll see.

Joel 33:48

But anyways, that's gonna do it today. Anything else to add?

Nicole 33:53

I don't think so.

Joel 33:54

All right, if you have a listener question, please we did that today. Try not to make it so personal for me next time.

Nicole 34:00

No, keep doing this. This was great. Ask them all the hard-hitting questions.

Joel 34:04

I don't, I'm I sweat way too much day after. I just took a shower and I felt like I'm gonna need to go hop in and do another one. So cool, cool off. Yeah, cool.

Nicole 34:11

Soothe that nervous system.

Joel 34:12

Yeah, so, anyways, yeah.

Nicole 34:16

We'll see you next time.

Joel 34:17

Send in those Lester questions and we'll see you next time. Yeah, bye.